I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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