mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
