dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
