drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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