My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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