i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
