I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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