no, he came in my armpit
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
