Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
