he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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