There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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