My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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