the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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