just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
