It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Girls should come with a carfax report
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
