Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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