We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
third nipple confirmed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
