I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
