Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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