that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
