My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
