So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
