Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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