I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
