Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't turn off my feet"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
