Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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