Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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