Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
