If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Houston, we have a blender
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
