If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
