It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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