Don't you send me to vm
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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