It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
