This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
