I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
