I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
