remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
