Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
