A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
