wrigley field is MILF paradise
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
