We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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