i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
