You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
