She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
