she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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