I'm gonna have a badass scar
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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