I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
