Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
