My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
should my penis look like a turkey
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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