When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im holly from the hills drunk
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
